Blood Sanctuary
by ChesireKittyCain
Summary: Ed's downward spiral into depression not only affects him but the ones who love him also. RoyEd, AlRiza, noncon EnvyEd. Rape, cutter fic. Flames will be put to good use in my furnace. Rated M for psychological disturbance, rape, and selfinjury.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hello. I'm new to this so please give me a little time to get used to this. Sorry in advance. Everyone has to start somewhere. Now, as a forewarning to everyone. ahem

This is a rape/cutter fic and also YAOI. In case you don't know what that means...It's boy on boy love, sex, hugs, kisses, whatever. It's two guys together. If you don't like, you don't need to read. There is a back button on your computer. I'm sure it works. And if at any time you don't like how I write or for whatever reason, there is an X that will close the page. Makes everyone's life easier. This will contain non-consensual sex at some point and will also contain non-consensual touching and/or invasion of the personal bubble.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not the idea...well, the idea to mesh the two together maybe, but just in case I'll say I don't own it. I don't own the characters or even their plushies. I don't own any facts that are written here. So, again, I own NOTHING.

Couples: RoyxEd, AlxRiza (I saw this somewhere and it was just so random and cute I couldn't help myself)

A/N 2: If you don't like the above couples then I don't want to see flames about them. If you want to tell me that you don't prefer them or however you say it but you read my fic anyways, I will thank you for telling me and hope I can change your mind about them. Oh and just for the record, flames will do nothing but keep me warm at night. So don't bother sending one. Anyways and moving on, enjoy!

Blood Sanctuary

Chapter 1- Voices in My Head

The train slowed down to a stop, pulling into the Central Train Station. The doors slid open and people poured out the doors, quickly glancing away from the suit of armor trying to emerge with a small blond behind him. The small blond sighed as his brother finally stepped off the train, allowing him to get off as well. They watched as other people boarded the train and the train pulled out of the station.

Ed sighed again as the activity in the station ceased and they were allowed to walk to the exit. Al picked up his bag and watched his brother struggle along with his oversized suitcase. He smiled to himself as he quickly caught up with the short blond and walked alongside him out into the busy street. He glanced around at all the different people and how happy they all seemed, making him happy too. He occupied his mind with the surroundings, not noticing his older brother's tension.

Ed nervously watched all the passersby and fidgeted with his clunky case, trying not to drop it. He took a deep breath and let out a sigh, trying to calm himself down. He didn't know why he felt this way, but lately he became warier and warier of people. They all seemed to watch him, taunting him, mocking him with contemptuous sneers. He shook his head, trying to dispel the thought of eyes watching his every move.

"Hey, brother, look! It's Ms. Riza!" Al excitedly pointed in the Lieutenant's direction before waving to catch her attention. Hawkeye noticed the tall armor and gave a small smile to herself. She calmly walked over to the brothers and nodded her head.

"Hello, Ms. Hawkeye. What are you doing out of the office?" Al blushed in embarrassment and scratched the back of the helmet's head.

Hawkeye glanced at Ed before looking back to Al. "Actually, I was just coming to get the both of you. Mustang has a new assignment to hand to you. He'd like to brief you immediately, if you don't mind."

Ed's eyes widened at the mention of Roy's name. He bit his lip and worried it, thinking of their last failed mission. Roy would probably yell at him and get his scotch out, disappointed in him. Ed ruffled his unkempt braided hair and sighed. He didn't want to see Mustang if he was going to be like that. He, personally, didn't want to see Mustang at all for the time being. He had to figure out why he was so nervous first.

"Brother?" Al asked, leaning down to see his semi-covered eyes.

Ed jumped and looked up at his brother, an expression of worry on Al's face. "What? Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about what you said, Hawkeye. I think I would rather put it off for now. We just got back and I'm kinda tired so…we'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

The memory of Ed sleeping on the train ride back popped up in Al's mind, but he kept his mouth shut. "Sorry, Ms. Hawkeye, but can you tell Mr. Mustang that we'll see him tomorrow? Thank you very much."

Hawkeye blinked, her serious demeanor not leaving her face. "Well, I believe it would be best if you would come in right away-"

"I don't want to see that bastard!" Ed yelled, tears welling up in his downcast eyes. He quickly wiped his eyes and took a deep breath. "What I meant was I don't want to see him right now. I'll be in tomorrow. If you catch in flack from it, just tell him to blame me. Come on, Al." Ed sighed and started walking away, leaving Al and Hawkeye to stare after him in concern and wonderment.

Al blinked in surprise before turning sheepishly to Hawkeye. "I'm sorry about my brother, Ms. Hawkeye. He…he hasn't been feeling very well lately."

"It's fine," Hawkeye stated matter-of-factly. "And besides…didn't I tell you not to call me Hawkeye."

Al blushed and fumbled his hands. "Um, yes you did, but I don't know…"

Riza glared from the corner of her eye as she deftly pulled out her handgun and clicked the hammer back. "I may not be able to kill or even harm you, but I will have no sympathy if you walk around with a hole in your armor."

Flustered, Al waved his hands around and bowed his head. "Okay, Ms. Riza, okay. But I will not concede the miss. Now if you'll excuse me…"

Al rushed after his brother, leaving Riza to watch him run away. He slowed down after a block and sighed himself. He wouldn't catch his brother now, not with Ms. Riza's conversation circling in his head. He put the thought of his brother on hold and focused on his actions toward her. He was so flustered that he was sure she could read his thoughts. He'd never met anyone like that before.

Now if he could find someone like that for his brother, he wouldn't have to worry over him so much. But maybe…he already knew who was for his brother…and maybe he could do something about it.

Ed dropped his suitcase in his room and peeled off his jacket and gloves, tossing them on his bed. He walked back to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. The first thing he saw on the top shelf was milk. He sighed and moved it out of the way, wiping his hand on his pants. He didn't find anything appetizing and, truthfully, wasn't hungry.

He shut the fridge and untied his braided hair, running his flesh hand through the strands. He brought his left hand in front of his face and looked at it. He then brought up his right hand and looked between the two. He curled his automail hand into a fist and dropped both down to his sides. He sighed again and looked around the room.

'_We wouldn't be here if I just hadn't been so stupid. Al wouldn't be an unfeeling suit of armor. Nina wouldn't be dead. Mom…mom would have peacefully stayed dead. Damnit. I should have listened to you, Al. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.' _

Ed looked around again and became claustrophobic. The walls looked like they were moving in on him, growing taller above him. His head spun as he collapsed on the floor, shaking his head.

'_No, no, this wasn't supposed to happen. Stop…stop it…stop it, please…just-'_

"Stop It!!!"

Ed grabbed his head and squeezed his eyes shut, a tear slowly rolling down his cheek. _'Why is this happening? Nothing will leave me alone. When did this happen? Everyone is always right there. How did this start? It won't stop. This feeling won't go away. It won't stop. It's just growing bigger and bigger. It won't STOP!'_

He stood up and ran to the bathroom, slamming the door closed behind him. He turned the sink faucet on, pressure forcing water to loudly rush down the drain. He leaned against the sink, trying to drown out the voices in his head. He slammed his hand on the mirror above the sink, and bit his lip.

'_They're not going away…'_

"Brother?! Are you here?" Al's voice broke through the haze sweltering over his mind.

Ed quickly splashed water on his face and turned the water faucet off. "Yeah, Al. I'm in the bathroom. Hold on a sec, okay?"

He ran his wet hand through his hair and sighed, _'No use hiding in here.'_

He grabbed the towel already hanging up and dried his face and hands before leaving the bathroom. He walked back into the kitchen and saw Al sitting at the table waiting for him. Ed's anxiety spiked again, seeing his brother watch him with hollow eyes. He pushed the thought aside and approached the table.

"What's up?" Ed asked, pulling out a chair and sitting down across from Al.

"Ms. Riza's worried about you and frankly, so am I. Why did you lie to her, Ed?"

Ed shifted uncomfortably in the chair and looked away from his younger brother. "I…I just didn't want to deal with Roy yet. That's all."

Folded hands on the table, Al leaned over toward Ed, looking him straight-on. "Is that all?"

Ed swallowed all of his well-being and looked back into Al's eyes. "Yes," he lied.

Al visibly relaxed and laughed at his brother. "See, I knew I was right. She didn't look it, but she wasn't expecting that reply from you."

Wanting attention off of himself, Ed smirked at his brother. "So, you're calling her Ms. Riza again. Did you finally tell her?"

"Huh?" Al blushed furiously and started gesturing wildly. "No, I…we…uh…what did-I didn't…ED!"

Ed laughed and stood back up, watching his flustered brother. "Well, if that's all, I'm going to go take a nap, alright?"

Al was still trying to get all his facts straight. "Yes…wait…what…no, um…"

Ed shook his head and retreated to his room, a worried look passing over his face. _'I can't let Al see me like this. He's so…happy for some reason. I don't want him to hate me anymore. I want him to be as happy as he can…until I can fix things…until I can make everything right.'_

He shut his room door and closed his eyes. A wave of nausea overcame him, forcing him to slowly breathe, in and out, in and out. He rubbed his eyes and moved over to his bed. He grabbed his coat and draped it over the chair in the corner of his room, along with his gloves. He sat down on the edge of the bed and removed his shoes, throwing them away from the bed. Taking off his shirt and pants, he placed them on the chair as well before falling onto the bed.

A fog filtered into his head, slowing everything down. His eyes slid closed as he slipped into a blank darkness, forgetting everything.

Al hummed to himself as he put his things away in his room and moved back into the kitchen to clean. He wrapped a pink apron around his waist and grabbed a washrag. Halfway through his cleaning spree and thoughts of Riza, he walked over to the kitchen sink, passing the refrigerator. He looked at it before he opened the door. Nothing seemed out of place except for the milk and nothing seemed to be taken.

'_Hmm…that's weird…Ed got home first, but nothing's gone. He hasn't eaten since we left to come back here…'_

He stared down at his brother's room when the washrag slipped out of his loose grasp and plopped on the floor. Al snapped out of his reverie and continued cleaning, thinking nothing of his brother's weird behavior.

Ed squirmed in his sleep, sweat glistening on his body. He mumbled and jerked his head, not wanting to see his dream. His hand gripped the sheets beneath him in pain and his eyes twitched beneath their eyelids, dispelling unwanted memories.

_Mother's neck snapped in a circle, blood spilling out of her yawning mouth. Her arm cracked into place as she moved toward me. She reached out to me, bloodied hand passing over my face. "You did it…you did this to me…why?"_

'_No…I didn't mean to…I just…I just wanted to see you again…'_

"_Brother…what did you do to me?" Al's unraveling body stretched toward me. "I hate you. You did this to me on purpose. You made me like this." Al's suit of armor loomed over him. _

_Ed fell to his knees and started crying. 'I didn't want this for you, Al…I never thought…'_

"_Big Brotha…why does it hurt so much? Is it supposed to be like this? Aren't we friends, Big Brotha?" Nina's cute face was distorted with pain and agony. She morphed into the Chimera, sorrowful eyes staring at him. "Help me, Big Brotha. Stop the hurt…"_

'_I'm sorry, Nina. I wanted to save you. I can't save anyone.' He squeezed his eyes shut and sobbed._

"_FullMetal!" The voice wavered out of the shadows. "What do you think you're doing? You're a pathetic excuse for a short person. Of course you can't save anyone. Look at you. You can't even save yourself."_

'_Stop…please, no…' He didn't want to see that person…not here._

_Roy looked down on him with contempt and loathing. "You just wish you would be able to save at least your brother. Knowing you, you'll probably condemn his poor soul to hell. He doesn't deserve that, Edward. You know who does."_

_Ed bit his lip and slammed his fist into the ground. 'Shut up…'_

"_Who deserves it, Elric?"_

'_No…'_

"_WHO?!"_

'_ME!'_

Eyes wide in horror, Ed sat up in bed, heart racing. He convulsed and wrapped his arms around himself, trying to breathe. Tears welled up in his eyes and spilled down his face. He bit his lip, stopping a sob from escaping. A creak echoed outside his room, making him alert in his destabilized state.

He quietly got out of bed and tiptoed to his door, slightly opening it and peeking out. Nothing stirred. The lights were off and all was quiet. He opened the door gradually, warily watching the hallway. He finally got it open enough where he could slip through and sneak into the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

He disregarded turning on the light and stood in front of the sink, looking at his reflection in the mirror above the faucet. Shakily, he turned the valve onto a trickle and cupped his hands together, catching the water. It slowly filled his hands and finally started to flow over. He raised his water-filled hands and splashed his face, letting the water drip down. He sighed and leaned against the sink, trying to dissipate his vivid dream. He gripped the edge of the sink and grimaced, remembering anyways.

'_I didn't mean to…I'm sorry…so sorry…never forgive…no…'_

Ed turned the water off and leaned back against the wall, cautiously sliding down to sit on the floor. He pulled his legs to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, lowering his head to rest against his knees. He sat there for a while until sleep caught up to him, making his eyes heavy. He lowered himself to the floor and curled up, telling himself that he wouldn't sleep.

He closed his eyes, losing the battle, and felt his hair cover his face. _'I'm not going to sleep…I'm just resting my eyes…nothing's going to happen…I'll be fine…everything will just stop…'_

Without meaning to, he lulled himself into a deep slumber.

The sun soon blazed in the morning glow and signaled the beginning of the day. Al lay in bed, feigning sleep before blinking his eyes. He stood up and hummed to himself as he clanked into the kitchen, fiddling with what to make for breakfast. He decided the conventional eggs and bacon with toast would suffice Ed for the time being.

He clattered the pots and pans in the cupboard, looking for his frying pan. Finally succeeding in his quest, he opened the fridge and produced three eggs and three big slices of fresh bacon. He happily set to work, thinking of what the day would bring and if he would she Ms. Riza.

"Brother! I'm making breakfast so hurry and get up!"

Ed, drool falling down the side of his face and to the floor, snorted awake at the clatter in the kitchen and his brother's voice calling him. He drearily looked around the room and felt his back crack. He groaned and scratched his head, noticing the fixtures and the fact that he was on the floor. Not too quickly, he realized he was in the bathroom and had fallen asleep on the floor.

He wiped his face off with his hand and stood up, washing his hand off. He looked at himself in the mirror and blanched. His reflection looked gaunt and hollow, pasty skin a dull color. He exhaled and ran his hand through his matted hair, turning away from the mirror. He shuffled to the door before turning to look at the toilet.

'_Well…I'm already here…might as well…'_

He used the toilet, flushing afterward, and washed his hands again. As he was wiping his hands, he looked down where he had slept that morning, seeing the drool on the floor. He made a face and grabbed the towel, throwing it over the drool. He wiped up the mess and put the towel in the wash basket, finally emerging from the bathroom.

The smell of bacon wafted toward him and his stomach growled. He didn't feel hungry at all. Instead, he felt like heaving at the smell of food. But…he had to eat something. He dropped his gaze and moved toward his room. Al peeked into the hallway and smiled at Ed's disheveled demeanor.

"Brother, I'm almost done. I made you eggs and bacon. One of your many favorites, right? Hurry and come eat before it gets cold."

He vanished back into the kitchen and left Ed staring after him. Ed shook his head and went into his room, letting the door swing halfway shut behind him. He grabbed his discarded pants and pulled them on, securing the buckle. He stretched his back, moving over to his dresser, and opened one of the drawers. He pulled a clean, black tank top out and put it on, feeling the fabric ghost over his skin.

He clutched his brush and quickly pulled it through his hair. He discarded the brush on the dresser and grabbed a hair tie in its place. He put it in his mouth and methodically braided his hair with his hands, walking to the door and kicking it open with his foot. He ambled down the hall to the kitchen and finished braiding his hair, holding the braid with one hand and tying it off with the other.

Al was setting his plate of food down in front of his chair, watching his brother's aloof mood before turning back around to the stove. Ed sat down in his chair and stared at the food with a sad expression. Al turned back to Ed with his toast and a glass of orange juice, seeing the look on his face.

"Brother, what's wrong? You usually would be scarfing that down by now." Al placed the glass and toast down in front of Ed and worriedly glanced at him.

Startled, Ed feebly laughed and picked up his fork, not looking at Al. "What, are you kidding? It looks delicious. Thanks, Al. I was just waiting for my drink, that's all."

Ed cut into his eggs and lifted the forkful of eggs to his mouth, trying to appear normal. Al didn't say anything and turned back around to clean up. Ed chewed the eggs sluggishly and swallowed, taking a drink of his orange juice. His stomach roiled at the food and Ed quickly swallowed the saliva in his mouth, wanting to keep the food at bay. He picked up a piece of toast and nibbled at it, finding it easier to eat. He placed the nibbled toast on his plate and picked up a piece of bacon.

He bit into it and felt all the fatty juices and tangy salts slide down his throat. He involuntarily gagged and put the bacon down on his napkin along with the bitten-off piece. He took another small drink of orange juice, feeling it block his throat and settle in his stomach like gum. He looked up at his brother's turned back before glancing down at his napkin in his lap. The lone piece of bacon sat there, hidden from view and believed to be eaten.

Guilt-stricken, Ed cautiously picked up his plate and moved the bitten piece of toast back to the side plate. He picked up his fork and slid the food into his lap, placing the dish and fork back on the table. He replaced the bitten piece of toast on the empty plate and smuggled the other pieces of toast into the napkin. He folded the napkin, making sure nothing fell out, and kept it in his lap. He picked up the piece of toast still present on the table and took another bite. He chugged the orange juice, trying not to feel the sticky presence in the back of his throat.

Al looked over his shoulder at Ed and grinned. "See? I told you that you would be hungry."

Ed gave a weak smile and scratched the back of his head. "Yeah, you were right. I was hungry."

Al turned back to the sink. "You can leave the dishes there. I'll pick them up in a second."

"If you say so…" Ed stood up, full napkin in hand, and hid it behind his back.

"Well, go finished getting dressed and we'll head over to Central as soon as I'm done."

Ed nodded his head in fake agreement, moving down the hall. He slipped into his room and shut the door, relaxing. He sat on his bed and gazed down at the napkin in his hand, slightly opening it to see the food inside. His stomach flipped and he quickly shut it again.

'_I shouldn't have done that…Al made this for me and I can't even eat it…But…he can't eat it either…It's not fair…Al, you should be able to eat…to drink…to feel again…'_ He sighed and dropped his head.

'_How am I going to get rid of this? I need to get the napkin back out there…but…what about the food? I can't keep it in here…I need to throw it away…but I can't throw it away here.'_ Ed shuffled his feet and looked around the room.

'_Wait…we're going to Central today…if I can find something else to put the food in, I can throw it away on the way there…the bags from our groceries…I can do that…I just need to go get one…Alright then…'_

Struck by inspiration, Ed set the napkin down next to him on the bed and started out of his room. He walked back into the kitchen and went to the cupboard with their trash can and supplies. He opened the door and grabbed one of the plastic bags that were stuffed into a space made for trash bags. He closed the door and turned to see Al cleaning up his dishes. He was about to start down the hall when Al stopped him.

"Brother, what happened to your napkin?"

Ed internally froze, not knowing what to say. "Um…oh! I think I accidentally tucked it into my pants in my hurry. It must've dropped in the hallway or something. I'll go find it."

Al giggled at his mistake and clunked back over to the sink, dishes in hand. "Geez, Brother, you're in such a hurry, you don't know what you're doing."

Ed nervously laughed before making his getaway down the hall and to his room. He closed the door most of the way, not wanting to alert Al to a shut door, and hastily put the food inside the bag, freeing the napkin. He knotted the handles and set it down underneath his bed for the meantime. He picked up the napkin and quickly made his way back out to the kitchen.

"Ha! Found it," Ed stated, relieved in more ways than one. "It was outside my bedroom door. I completely stepped over it."

Al snorted. "That would be you, Brother." He looked back over his shoulder at Ed and smiled. "Can you put it in the wash basket in the bathroom for me?"

Ed smiled back. "Sure."

Ed started walking back down the hall, heading toward the bathroom. He opened the wash basket and tossed the napkin inside, thinking nothing more of it. He moved back to his room and picked up his boots. He sat on his bed and slid his boots on, tying them with leisure. He stood back up and picked up his gloves, fitting them on. Finally, he put his signature red jacket on.

'_I'll be fine…nothing's going to happen…let's just get this over with…'_

He sighed and bent down, picking up the bag of food. He hid it in his pocket and walked out of the room. He sauntered back to the kitchen and sat down at the table. Al finished wiping down the last plate and neatly put it away in the cupboard before turning to Ed.

Ed looked up at him and shrugged. "Ready?"

"Please. I'm always on time. You're the late one, Brother."

Ed bit back a smartass reply and sighed, getting out of the chair and heading toward the door. "Yeah…let's get this over with."

Al looked after him, stunned. Usually Ed would start ranting and throwing a fit about being right. He wouldn't shrug it off and sigh. Ed opened the door and walked out into the bright sunlight, leaving Al behind. Al reached his hand out to stop him but nothing came out of his mouth. He silently watched his brother vanish into the world, not even turning back. He dropped his hand back to his side and looked at the floor, dejected.

'_Brother…what's happening to you?'_

He blinked and realized that he was still standing in the house, door open and waiting for him. He quickly walked out the door and locked it behind him. He turned and looked out into the street, seeing his brother's bright red coat retreating away from him. Surprised, he waved his hand in the air and started running after Ed.

"Brother! Wait for me!"

'_For now, I don't want to worry…I just hope that he'll let me watch over him…at least for a little while. I still hope that one day he'll trust me enough to let me in.'_

End Chapter One

Ending Note: Review! Tell me what you think. I had this idea for a long time and I wasn't sure how it was going to play out. If you like it, tell me. If for some reason you don't, tell me why. I would love to be able to fix this any way possible to a point. All reviews will be given a yaoi-cookie for taking the time to write to me.


	2. Chapter Two

A/N: Well, here is the second chapter. I got six reviews more than I thought I was going to get. I give Yaoi-cookies to everyone, even those who didn't comment but were nice enough to favorite my story. I loves you all very much. You boosted my emo mind. Envy will finally make his appearance in this chapter! I am so excited. No flames. They will be wasted on me. Really.

Disclaimer: Own nothing. I just liked the idea of meshing rape fic with cutter fic and I'm sure I don't own the idea either. I share with other people who would like to try their hand at it. No copying my work though. I will get you kicked off this site.

On with it!

Chapter 2- With Eyes Wide Shut

Ed stomped into Central and walked straight to Roy's office, not bothering to think of anything else at the moment. Al was hurrying after him but quickly pulled up short to stop at Hawkeye's desk. Ed shook his head and approached the closed door. _'Please don't yell at me…' _He raised his hand to knock when the door opened, a pissed-off Roy Mustang staring down at him.

"So…" Roy started, eyebrow twitching, "you felt that you didn't need to come yesterday, is that it?"

Ed sucked in a breath, trying not to seem scared. _'This is why I didn't come yesterday, you bastard. No matter what I do…you're never happy…'_

"I didn't feel well if you're that concerned about me," Ed remarked, almost testing Roy.

Roy turned away from Ed and stalked back to his desk, fuming. "I wanted you here to brief you so that you could get out of my hair. But of course…you never listen to orders! I told you to be here whether you wanted to be or not! It does not concern you what you feel like at the time. All that matters is this mission…which needed to be completed as soon as you were back! Now would you like to attempt at an excuse or…"

Ed tried not to tremble, quickly making a fist to divert his attention. _'I always cause you grief, don't I?' _He gazed off to his left, not meeting Roy's angry eyes. "Um…I…" His mind came up blank, scaring him. He ended up saying the only logical thing he could think of. "Forget it," he sighed.

Roy's eyebrow arched, curious at the turn of events. "Forget it, hmm? That will be very hard to do, FullMetal. Now if you're done trying to make _short_ excuses, sit down and let me tell you about your new mission."

Roy clasped his hands and rested his chin on them, smiling. _'Let's see what he says to that…'_

Ed turned his attention back to Roy before sitting down on the black couch that was set back against the wall. "That was a short excuse, wasn't it, Sir?" Ed half-heartedly laughed, eyes looking at the floor. "So, what is this mission about? I have to go away again, don't I?"

Roy's mouth opened in surprise. No sound came out of his mouth as he blinked, staring at Ed as if he had grown a tail. He coughed into his hand to try to regain some of his composure. "Um…FullMetal, are you feeling alright?"

Ed looked up at Roy in shock. "Yes. Why wouldn't I be?" He unconsciously clutched the bag of food still present in his pocket.

Roy's eyes narrowed, trying to see through the lie. But, nothing showed except for Ed's nervousness at being scrutinized. "Nothing," he sighed. _'What's wrong with me? I could've sworn that Ed…'_

"Sir?" Ed asked, trying not to appear too anxious.

Roy came back to his senses and gazed at Ed. "Your new mission…well…you're going to be collecting information on a certain person, reporting back to me what you find of course."

"Wait…" Ed cut off. "I don't collect information. I don't collect anything. I just get the bad guy. That's what my job is. I wouldn't even know what you would consider information from obvious insight. No. I'm not doing this."

A queasy feeling flooded through Ed as he stood up and walked toward the door. _'I don't want to know them…any of them…when they're alive…never again…they always die when I come around…I don't want that anymore.'_

"FULLMETAL!"

Ed stopped dead in his tracks. His hand hovered over the knob to the office, just wishing that it could descend the few extra inches and be free. Ed closed his eyes and tried not to listen to the voices swimming through his ears. He exhaled and turned back to Roy, hiding his edginess the best he could.

"What, Mustang?"

Ed's curt tone made Roy bite back a growl. _'Insubordinate little bastard…'_

"Sit back down and listen to me fully if you don't want your ass to end up out on the streets with your brother."

Fear entered Ed's eyes as he quickly complied, startled by such harsh words. He clutched his hands together and squeezed them, sitting back down on the couch. Roy watched Ed's uncommon behavior before dismissing it, taking it to be that he just wanted to cooperate for once. He grabbed a file off of a stack of papers and set it in front of himself, opening it to look at the report.

"Now, you won't be traveling very far, but I'm considering keeping your brother here."

Ed's head whipped up to stare at Roy. "But Mustang-!" He pleaded, not wanting to be separated from his brother.

"Not another word, FullMetal. I am not done speaking and I only said that I was considering it."

Ed bit his lip and fell silent, staring back down at the floor. _'But if I'm away from him…I'm scared…scared that he won't need me any more…I won't need to be here any more.'_

Roy watched Ed's compliance and slightly nodded his head before continuing. "You'll be watching Clarence Layete, a rogue alchemist that is possibly committing illegal activities. He was being funded by the state until about a year ago. He has two sons, James and Mason. They are fifteen and twelve. Their mother died three years ago. Her name was Julia. Clarence is currently seeing a woman named Marie, and according to this, they are planning on getting married two months from now."

Ed didn't look up from the information, and didn't seem to have heard any of what Roy had said. Roy rubbed his eyes, tired of this already, and closed the file, folding his hands once again. "Edward."

Ed snapped out of his daydreams and looked at Roy, surprised to hear his name. "What? I heard you. Look, you may think I'm useless and all that, but I can pay-"

"FullMetal!"

Ed closed his mouth and sighed, not looking at Roy. "Sorry."

Roy shook his head and sighed himself. "Edward, I'm going to be sending you there alone. Your brother will remain here where I will keep him occupied."

Ed worried his bottom lip but didn't say anything, gazing at the floor with sadness.

"Whatever you may think, Edward, I'm doing this for you."

Ed twitched at that statement, not really believing it.

"The two Layete boys may resemble you and Al, but I don't want you getting attached to them. I just want you to figure out what Clarence is doing and if it's worth his arrest or not. And don't dig too deep. I don't need you getting hurt where no one can reach you. Now, take this file and review it. Your train leaves in two hours."

Ed hollowly stood and retrieved the file from Roy's desk. He started flipping through the folder and sat back down on the couch. He saw the picture of the Layete's family and internally cringed.

"I hope this mission won't be too much for you. If you like, I can reassign it to someone else."

Shocked by Mustang's refusal of him, he shook his head vigorously. "No, Sir. I can handle this. I just need some time to get my things together again." He closed the file and put it down on the couch next to him.

Mustang raised a brow. "You'd better get to it then. Send in your brother when you leave. Dismissed."

Roy ignored Ed's presence in his office and went back to work on his stack of papers. Ed closed his eyes and sighed, standing back up. He looked at Roy's indifferent manner before turning away, walking out of Roy's office without looking back. His brother and Hawkeye looked at him, wondering what happened. He sighed and approached his brother.

"Mustang wants to see you, Al. I'm going to head home. See you."

Ed walked away from Al, not waiting for a reply. Al stared after him, confused. He turned back to Ms. Riza and watched her shrug. He bowed to her in an excusal and strode over to Mustang's office. _'Whatever happened…I'm going to find out…'_

Ed hazily walked down the active street, watching his feet as they stepped in front of each other. Families and loners all gave him a wide berth, making him feel isolated and detested. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and felt the bag of food. He pulled it out and looked at it in disgust before approaching a trash can near an alley. A chill wavered down his spine as he threw the bag away and sensed malicious eyes gazing at his drained body.

He searched the faces around him but no one appeared to notice him. A footfall in the alley made him advance cautiously and glance around the gloomy darkness. Nothing stood out in the passage but he suspiciously looked behind him as he walked away. After he was well away from the side street and nobody came into view, he relaxed his tense muscles and kept heading home.

A black-robed person stepped out of the shadows in the alleyway as the short fireball disappeared from view. He quickly peeked around the corner before disguising himself again. He moved through the crowds like liquid, following the temperamental blond. As the blonde's tense muscles relaxed, he smirked to himself and silently crept closer.

Ed strode toward his locked front door and felt his pockets for the key. He grimaced as no key produced itself and exhaled.

"Damn it. I didn't want to break the door."

He clapped his hands and touched the door, hearing a sonic boom resound in the house. He lightly pushed the door and watched as it deftly swung inward, no key required. He stepped over the threshold and pushed the door closed behind him. He didn't bother with the lock and retreated to his room.

He opened the closet and pulled his oversized suitcase out of hiding. He tossed it on his bed and opened the top, scratching the back of his head. He went over to his dresser and unloaded his black undershirts, multicolored underwear, and socks into the case. He went back to his closet and took out three pairs of pants, tossing them on the bed.

Ed folded the pants and put them in first, followed by his underwear. He tossed his socks on the side of the case and placed his undershirts on top. He cracked his neck in annoyance and went back to his dresser, picking up his brush and an extra pair of gloves. He tossed them on top of everything and left his room, walking into the bathroom.

He opened the medicine cabinet and took out his toothbrush and toothpaste. He closed the mirror-door and looked at himself. His skin was pasty and eyes sorrowful, making him appalled. He looked away from his reflected orbs and left the bathroom. Reentering his room, he tossed the rest in the case and shut it before setting it down on the floor.

He sighed to himself and left his room, walking down the hallway. _'I wonder what the Colonel is telling Al. He's probably going to be at Central for a while…he won't be coming home in time…not like he wanted to…'_

Ed stopped in the kitchen and opened the fridge, pulling out a bottle of water. He unscrewed the cap and took a drink, his throat instantly drying. He massaged the bridge of his nose and sighed. He screwed the cap back on the bottle and went back down the hall, heading into the bathroom. He opened the medicine cabinet and looked at the different containers.

He closed his eyes as a headache developed in the middle of his forehead. _'This pain…it won't leave…'_

He looked back at the small amount of pain relievers in the cabinet and exhaled. He randomly grabbed a bottle and set his water down on the sink. He popped the cap off and shook two pills out into his hand, staring down at the circular, white tablets. He shrugged and dropped them in his mouth, picking his bottle of water back up. He swallowed them and took the cap off the bottle, taking a swig.

Ed breathed in slowly and replaced the pill bottle in the cabinet. Exhaling slightly calmer, he took another drink and closed the cabinet. The mirror image of himself stared back at him along with a new, sinister face. Ed's eyes widened in recognition and fear as he gripped the sink and whipped his head about.

Envy grinned wickedly and laughed. "Hello, _Edward_…"

Al scratched the back of his helmet and gazed down at the floor. Roy's fingers were intertwined with his chin resting on them, sharp eyes flitting around the room. Al coughed, receiving Mustang's attention. Al stood up straight and put his hands down at his sides.

"Colonel, I would like to know what's going on with my brother?"

Roy's eyebrows rose in surprise before he sat back in his chair and ruffled his hair. "Well…I wasn't exactly expecting that. I thought that you would know actually."

Al blinked before sheepishly looking back down at the floor. "No, I'm sorry, Colonel. But…Brother won't talk to me about it. He says it's nothing but…I don't know what to think."

Roy's eyes narrowed in concentration. "Well, you don't need to worry about it. I believe he just needs to put his mind to something. I've sent him on a mission…without you."

Al stepped toward Roy's desk, concern evident in his actions. "Colonel, I have to go with him. We've never been separated like this before."

Roy closed his eyes, the weariness washing over him. "Why do you need to accompany him, Alphonse? I believe that if he can do something on his own right now, he will get over this. If you have any reason to prove me wrong, then feel free to tell me."

Al looked off to his right, trying to think of something. "I…I don't know. I just feel that if I'm there, Colonel, then he won't be alone."

Roy stood up and circled his desk to the front, sitting down on the edge. "Are you sure he doesn't need to be alone right now, Al? He doesn't wish to talk to anyone, even his own brother. Maybe he needs to think by himself for a while. If he puts his mind on this case, it should help him."

Al sighed and dropped his shoulders. "Yeah…I hope so, Colonel. At least for his sake…but…What am I supposed to do while he's gone?"

"Oh. I figured that you'd be fine coming here every day and running a few errands. If you don't mind, of course," Roy said, folding his arms over his chest.

Al shook his head. "Of course, I wouldn't mind. I always felt bad that I came here but did nothing to help."

"Well, I'm glad you feel that way. Stop by my office tomorrow morning and I'll get you started. But if you want to stop at any time, just tell me."

"Thank you," Al bowed and quickly left the office, wanting to tell Ms. Riza of his new job.

Roy stretched his arms and stood back up. He turned to walk back around his desk when the couch caught his eye. He took a step toward it and looked down at the cushion. He bit back a curse and strode over to the sofa, snatching up the case file. He walked over to the office door and yanked it open. He looked around and noticed everyone was avoiding his gaze.

'_Edward…the things I have to do for you. One day, I will kill you for all this.'_

He sighed in exasperation and slammed his office door, locking it. Everyone stared up at him then and watched as he walked determinedly out of the room. They stared at one another in curiosity, wondering if anyone knew where the Colonel had gone and why he had left in the first place.

Envy grabbed Ed's flesh arm and swiftly twisted it behind his back before Ed could react. Ed let out a short yell before he swung his automail arm to hit Envy away. Envy counter-attacked by sweeping Ed's flesh leg out from under him, making Ed fall to his knee. In the confined space, Ed tried to push Envy back into the wall with his weight, but was stopped by Envy's reverse push on him into the sink.

He grabbed Ed's ponytail and slammed his head onto the sink. Blurry orbs of light exploded behind Ed's eyes as his head started to throb. A small moan passed Ed's lips as he feebly struggled in Envy's grasp, trying to lift his head.

"You're struggling, Edward. You know it's always bad if the captive struggles. Besides, you're useless anyway." Envy tugged on the blonde's braid and giggled.

Ed stopped squirming and tried to suck back the foggy haze sliding over his brain, making everything around him dim and blurry. _'Useless…useless…useless…Am I that useless…? I thought…'_

"Edward, Edward, Edward. You can't fall asleep now. That just wouldn't be fair. I wanted to play with you."

A wicked gleam sparked in Envy's eyes as he lowered his mouth to Ed's ear. "Hey, Edward, I wonder what young Alphonse would think if I tainted his chibi big brother. Do you think he'd be sad? Or…do you think he'd toss you out, repulsed about you…never wanting to touch you again…never wanting to look at you again? I think that would be fun, Edward. Let's see how long you can keep me a secret."

Ed tossed his head back and forth, trying to clear the sleepiness away. He moaned in complaint, wanting to be rid of Envy. Envy smirked and lowered his mouth to Ed's throat, gently kissing a pounding vein. Ed twitched at the unwanted intimacy. Thrilled by Ed's struggles, he sucked on the vein, loving Ed's groans of protest. Envy bit down on the vein as Ed yelped in pain, licking it clean of blood from the minuscule wounds.

"I love it when you make that sound, Edward. I'm going to make you sound like that as long as it takes for you to succumb to me."

Envy smirked against the blonde's neck and Ed steadily lost consciousness.

'_Help…will someone help me…? Roy…help me…'_

Roy walked down the street, his anger fading with every step he took. He looked at the people around him and saw the smiling faces that detested him for being a "dog of the Military." He came to a stop and looked down at the folder in his hand.

'_Ed…there must have been a reason…why won't you tell me?'_

A stranger bumped his shoulder, shaking him out of his reverie. He continued walking down the street and soon found the Elric's residence. He sauntered up the walkway and knocked curtly on the door. The door creaked open a few inches, putting Roy on high alert.

'_What the hell? Ed wouldn't leave the door like this…shit!'_

Roy, fingers ready to snap at any moment, slid the door open and creeped inside, eyes taking in the situation. He checked the corners, any shadowy areas, and behind the door before stepping completely inside, shutting the door with a soft click. He set the folder down on a random piece of furniture and stalked down the hall, eyes glancing every which way. A hard footfall echoed down the hallway, sending Roy into an adrenaline rush.

"FullMetal?! Where are you?"

Silence answered his call. He stealthily moved forward, slowly making his way down the hall. First room to his left…Al's room…no Ed. Second room further down…Edward's room…no Ed. The last door to the left at the corner of the hall…bathroom…the door slightly ajar.

'_Edward…please be alright…'_

Roy cautiously approached the door and pushed it open, free hand raised in stand by. A dark cloak swirled in front of the door and forced him aside, fleeing to the front door. Roy quickly reacted by snapping his fingers, sending a swirl of flame trailing after the fleeing body. He snarled and was about to take off when his eyes glanced into the bathroom.

Blood splattered the sink's edge, dribbling down the side to the floor. On the floor laid a lifeless blond, hair matted and speckled with blood. Roy's heart seized in fear as he dived into the bathroom and carefully turned the blond over, forgetting the escaping enemy. Ed's body lay motionless on the cold floor, the dampness seeping into his immovable body.

"FullMetal? FullMetal!"

No response came from the small frame. Roy bit his bottom lip and held back the need to shake the body, hands faintly trembling. He bowed his head and tried to suppress the urge to slam his fist through something.

"Edward!"

Ending Comment: I know. A little cliffhanger to rope in more suspense and drama and angst. I love it. Now leave some more reviews and I will hurry up faster. Maybe. But, I will be posting a chapter a week. If I can't keep to that commitment, I will tell you all. Loves and Yaoi-goodness everywhere.


	3. Chapter Three

A/N: Hello. I decided to post early so all you lucky people out there get to read the third chapter sooner. I am so happy! I got eleven reviews for the first and second chapter combined and that made my week. So…to celebrate with you all, I will post early for you all. BUT! Do not get used to it. I will stick to my chapter a week rule after this. And I will tell you all ahead of time if I cannot post it on time. Forgive me if that happens.

A mini forewarning: I expect a lot of raised eyebrows and WTF's for this chapter. I will explain a teeny bit of what will happen at the ending note. So in the meantime, read on and tell me what you think. And if you don't like it, tell me why. I won't change my mind on the way this is going but I will listen to you rant about it. I might change a few things depending on what people would like to point out. We shall see.

Chapter 3- The Darkness Calls

A floating sensation sparked Edward's curiosity, making him slowly open his eyes. A vast white purity encompassed his surroundings. A serene smile played across his face, fear not evident in his eyes. Weightless and free of doubt, he basked in the glow of light, nothing to stir his tranquil soul.

"_Oh, please,"_ a voice echoed in Ed's mind.

Ed swung around to face…nothing…a roiling, black nothing. He squinted his eyes, trying to make out something in the darkness. A black mist rose and its tendril swirled toward him, not quite reaching into the light. An outline appeared in the distance of the darkness, slowly walking toward him. A fog seeped into his mind, making him dizzy and tired. He walked toward the darkness as if in a trance, barely registering his movements.

Swaying with every step closer, Ed attempted to discern the features of the person, but the darkness was thick, covering everything but his outline. Ed tried to focus on the individual's face but only the fleeting blackness could be seen. He stepped closer and stopped as the person raised his hand, beckoning him to come closer.

Ed attempted to take a step closer to the darkness, but nothing happened. He glanced down at his feet and frowned, perplexed by what he saw. He was standing on some type of floor that cast off a brilliant light but ended about a foot in front of him where the blackness took over. He looked back up at the dark silhouette before looking to his left, seeing a neverending wall of white and black. Stunned, he looked to his right and found it mirrored his left, a neverending line.

Ed looked back to the person in front of him and discerned a smirk on his hidden face. He scowled at the darkness and folded his arms over his chest. On the dark side, the person copied Ed's movements, smirk widening into a grin. Anger bubbling to the surface, Ed unfolded his arms and returned them to his sides, balling his hands into fists. The shadowy person kept his arms crossed and raised an eyebrow in mock speculation.

"Who are you?" Ed ground out, sneering.

The more-defined outline sighed and returned his arms to his sides also. _"You know who I am. I've taken many forms in your denial, but deep in your heart, in that cold, detestable pit hidden by a loving and caring attitude, you know exactly who I am."_

Exasperated, Ed rolled his eyes and took a step away from the darkness, finding he could walk away from it. _'This is bullshit. I need to get out of here before it drives me crazy,'_ he thought to himself as he turned away from the black wall.

"_Don't go too far away or you'll get lost in the light."_

"What?" Ed stopped and looked back over his shoulder. His eyes widened as he saw the dark wall a lot farther away than the one step he had taken. _'This doesn't make any sense.'_

"_Well, it's not exactly your ABC's but try to keep up, okay? If everything made sense, do you think that you'd actually be here at all?"_

Alarmed, Ed ran back up to the blackness and found the silhouette right where he had been. "How did you know what I was thinking?"

The person rolled his eyes and took a step closer to the line between light and dark. A mirror image of himself stood in front of Ed, looking annoyed. Ed's mouth opened slightly in surprise before he quickly shut it and turned back around, walking away.

"_Wait! Don't walk away!"_

Sighing, Ed stopped and turned back around. The wall of darkness was far into the distance, almost the height of his hand if he held it up. He shook his head, a small migraine festering in the back of his mind, and started walking back. _'I need to figure out what the hell is going on…'_

Upon Ed's return to his reflection, he found his image glowering with his hands crossed over his chest, irritation flaring in his eyes. Ed dismissed his image's mood and folded his own arms, staring into his reflected eyes. The reflection started tapping his foot in impatience. Ed sighed and pointed behind him at the white brilliance.

"What happened when I walked away from here? How come I take a step back and I'm far away, but I can't step forward?"

Ed's mirror shook his head and also pointed at the light behind Ed. _"The light, that cavity of despair and hardships, was trying to swallow you…to keep you away from here…from me."_

It was Ed's turn to raise his eyebrow. "Why does it want to keep me away from you?"

His reflection shrugged. _"Probably because over here, you feel no pain…no sadness…no betrayal…only the sweet bliss of numbness…and they don't want you to know this, that this place exists inside you."_

Ed blinked, not exactly believing his image's proposal. "How do I know you're not lying?"

The image grinned, a glint in his eyes. _"There's only one way to find out."_ He unfolded his arms and held his hand out to Ed, not crossing the line over to the light. _"You can always cross back over, Ed, but if you really want to know, you have to take my hand."_

Ed skeptically looked at the offered hand before looking behind him at the whiteness, unfolding his arms. "I don't know."

"_You don't believe that they care, do you, Edward?"_

The words piercing Ed's heart, he looked away from his reflection. His image sighed and kept his hand out, a tone of pity in his voice.

"_I know how you feel, Ed. Your brother always giving you that melancholy smile and a look of disdain when he thinks you're not watching. Your precious Mustang, hiding his hate and never acknowledging you for what you really are. Winry pities you, but that's about all she sees you for."_

Ed fidgeted at the harsh words, trying to block his heart from their pain.His silhouette smiled.

"_I'm the only one, Edward. I'm the only one that cares. I don't want to see you sad ever again. But I can only help you if you trust me."_

Ed hesitated as his image's reasons struck a cord deep in his heart. _'I had thought of those things longs ago and here they were the truth. He said I could come back. I can always turn back. I can leave when I want.'_ Ed took a breath and looked behind him at the blank nothingness before sliding his hand through the darkness.

His reflection grabbed ahold of his hand and gently tugged Ed through the barrier. Ed slipped into the darkness at a slow rate, making it seem like he was suffocating. Fear gripped him and he tried jerking back over to the white side, but his image wouldn't let go. His mirror patiently pulled him through and waited for Ed to get his bearings together.

Ed shivered as he closed his eyes, feeling like all his emotions were peeling away to the deadened sensation underneath everything. Stillness poured out of his mind and filled his body, sedating all the aches and hurts. A blank stare overcame Ed as he settled into his reflection's arms, time stopping only for him. His heartbeat slowed and his thoughts ceased as his image undid his hair, stroking his fingers through the soft strands.

"Who are you really?"

Ed's reflection stopped before he regained composure and continued stroking Ed's hair. _"I am you, dear Edward. I am the side of you that doesn't want to see you suffering. I am your other half. I am the voice in your head, and the trembles of your heart. I protect you, but recently, they've been hurting you so much. I couldn't protect you from it all. I had to bring you here so that you would know…so that you could understand. Doesn't it feel so much better to be like this, here, Ed?"_

Ed hazily opened his eyes and looked up at his mirror, nodding against his chest. "It's all gone. I'm at ease, calm in this state. I like it here. The voices have stopped."

The image reclined in an unseen chair, taking Ed with him. _"I'm happy you like it here, but you won't be able to stay. Once you wake, this will all be gone. You'll be back out in the light, stuck in the loneliness and sorrow. I don't want to see you like that, Ed. Wouldn't you rather stay here?"_

Ed frowned. "I don't want that pain again. Not this time. How do I stop it? How can I stay here with the stillness?"

"_It's simple, Edward. You already know how but I don't want you to think about it too much. You don't need the excess pain it'll bring."_

Ed shifted in his silhouette's grasp and looked up at his reflection. _'It doesn't sound so bad. Why not? I already live in pain. I just want to stop it.'_ "How?"

A bright ray of light pierced through the darkness, striking close by. Ed shielded his eyes, covering his face by pressing into his image's chest. He lightly touched the back of Ed's neck and drew his face up to look in his eyes. The light struck down again and again, breaking the darkness into pieces.

"_Listen, Edward."_

The light shredded the darkness, acting like lightning as it struck everywhere, tearing away the numbness.

"_The only thing you have to do…"_

An unseen hand tugged at Ed's arm, pulling him away from his reflection. The memories poured back into place, flashing before his eyes. His mother's smile melted into a shriek of horror as her twisted and deformed body tried to rise again. Ed squeezed his eyes shut against the images, watching as his brother's terror and fear of death gripped him. _'The pain I made him go through…'_

"…_is…"_

The light brightened, shining through all the darkness and breaking it away. It brought memories of Nina and Alexander to Ed who cringed at their happiness destroyed. The chimera's cry echoed through Ed's mind, seizing his sanity. A lone tear fell down his cheek to land on his reflection that promptly wiped Ed's eyes. _'I don't want to lose them again. Not even in my mind. Not again…'_

"…_cut. A small cut is all it'll take to bring you back to me, Ed. You'll be able to come back to me and forget it all."_

The pain ruptured Ed's heart as tears flowed freely down his face, the emotional pain of loss again unbearable. His heart shrank at the pain's heaviness, which only seconds before it could live without for a while. Ed was pulled violently away from his mirror image, making his heart heavier. Sorrow filled his reflection's eyes as he watched Ed being pulled away by the light.

"_I'll always be here, Ed. You won't be alone."_

A strong tug at Ed's heart and mind sent him spiraling away from the neverending wall into the oblivion of light. _'He was right…I do feel alone out here…'_ Ed shuddered at an unseen chill and shut his eyes against the frozen light.

Roy concentrated on the newspaper in his hands, blocking out the busy noises of the hospital. He bit his lip and worriedly looked up at the hall clock that ticked away on the wall in front of him. People slowly shuffled here and there, not paying attention to the new fearful person in their midst. Nurses ran around and delivered things to different rooms, ignoring the grief-stricken and injured, while doctors stood around and looked important.

Roy's eyebrow twitched in anger as he clenched his hands too tight, tearing the paper. He crumbled it into a ball and stood, walking down the hall. He disposed of the trash in a random garbage can and glanced down the hall. Everything seemed to quiet down, people disbursing until it seemed that he was the only one there.

Fear gripping his heart, he walked over to a door not far from the abandoned nurse's station. A new paper nameplate was in place next to the door reading, _Elric, Edward- FullMetal_. Roy had been consumed with panic when Ed had first arrived, himself next to him the whole way. They took Ed away, baring Roy from following. He had fought the nurses at first, until they threatened to sedate him. He calmed somewhat and fell instead to agonizing over the facts. When the nurses had asked who the blond was, Roy could only mumble Ed and FullMetal correctly. After that, they left him alone, saying he wouldn't be able to see Edward for the time being.

Roy grit his teeth. _'The bastards can't do anything right.'_ He grabbed the door-handle, turning it, and lightly pushed the door open. Soft beeping sounds flitted to Roy's ears, and a cool breeze touched his heated skin. He opened the door wider and stepped through, carefully shutting the door behind him with a faint _click_. The room was private, making Ed the only occupant, and the shades were drawn. Roy took a few steps forward until he could clearly define the blond.

Roy's breath seized in his throat as he saw the tubes and wires surrounding the pale body. The machine ticking off Ed's heartbeat made him cringe as he slowly made his way to the side of Ed's bed. A chair was already placed in the room and Roy took advantage of it, moving it next to the bed. He removed his jacket, placing it on the back of his chair, and heavily sat down, hands clasped together on the bed. Saddened eyes watched Ed's small chest rise and fall with each breath of bleach and cleansers mixed with oxygen.

'_Who did this to you, Ed? Why won't you wake up and tell me? If I hadn't insisted…If I had just listened… Tell me what's wrong. I don't want to lose you too.'_ Roy closed his sleep-deprived eyes and rested his forehead against his hands. _'Wake up…just open your eyes…yell at me…tell me I'm wrong…save me, Edward…please just…stay with me…'_

The beeping of the heart monitor spiked as a siren went off somewhere in the room. Roy quickly stood up and looked down at beaten blond. Edward's eyes snapped open with an unseeing glow and a scream ripped from his hoarse throat. He tore away at the IV in his hand and pulled off the monitor's chords attached to his chest, all the while struggling to be free of some unseen force. Ed screamed again in panic, still not seeing the world around him.

Roy clenched his hands and stepped forward, hugging Ed to his chest. "Edward, it's alright. You were hurt so I brought you here. No one's going to hurt you. Relax, Ed, calm down. I won't let them hurt you."

Ed stopped struggling with his unseen demons and listened to Roy's soothing tone, slowly coming back to himself. Roy rubbed small circles in Ed's back, hoping to relax him. Ed blinked his tired eyes and focused on the room around him, unconsciously clutching to Roy. He glanced around the dark room before looking at the warm body embracing him. He could smell sandalwood and a mix of spices with an overtone of sweat. _'I know this smell.'_

"…Roy?"

Roy stiffened his embrace and stopped moving his hand. He partially pulled away and looked at the conscious blond. "Edward…how do you feel?"

Ed blinked in confusion before snorting. "Like shit. How do you think I'd feel?"

Roy sighed in relief and moved off of the bed back to his chair. "Well, I'm glad you're alright. You had me worried, Edward."

Ed gulped, ashamed, and looked away. A small smile touched Roy's lips before instantly vanishing as the room door slammed open and a doctor and two nurses rushed in. The doctor looked over at Roy and pointed an accusing finger.

"You can't be in here. Who let you in? Get out!"

Roy glared at them, standing back up and moving towards the group. The doctor was taken aback as the nurses scurried over to Ed's side, letting the doctor fend for himself.

"What took you so long to get here? If I hadn't been here, who knows what could've happened. This is a big slip up for you, and if this happens again, you won't be seeing this place anymore."

The doctor opened and closed his mouth before deciding to just leave the colonel alone. He rushed over to Ed's side and started checking the machines, rapidly asking Edward questions he barely had time to answer. Once the doctor felt he had everything he needed, he quickly retreated from the room, the nurses soon following after.

Ed sighed and collapsed back onto the bed, rubbing his eyes. Roy walked back over to his seat and sat down, watching the blonde's movements. Ed looked over at Roy and sat back up.

"I don't want to be here."

Roy leaned forward and looked back into Ed's eyes. "Where do you want to go then?"

"I still have that mission to complete, right?" Ed asked almost bitterly, looking away. "Get me out of here so I can finish it already."

Roy smirked and stood back up, walking toward the door. "Fine. But in the meantime, stay in bed and get some sleep. You'll need it."

Ed stared after Roy's back as he left the room and sighed. _'Really…I just didn't want to be alone…but you wouldn't understand that…would you?'_

Roy sighed and lightly banged his head against the now closed door. _'So worried…He has no idea…If he didn't make it or something…'_ He gritted his teeth and pushed away from the doorway, stalking down the hallway. _'Damnit…I can't feel this way…never again…'_

Ed lay back down on the hospital bed, restless. His eyes flickered over the different monitors beeping lazily and glanced over the barren walls, light barely pouring in from the window. Night had fallen a few hours ago and the shadows consumed the faint rays of hope for a little comfort. He gazed at the corners of the room, not trusting his surroundings.

"_Edward…"_ The shadows seemed to taunt, slowly dancing to their own rhythmic beat. _"I can see you, Edward…you look…scared…deliciously fearful…He's here, you know? And he's watching you…"_

A cold draft trickled down Ed's neck, making him involuntarily tremble. He quickly looked to his sides, dreading for some unseen hand to grab him, and pressed his back up against the backboard. He pulled his knees up to his chest as an ice dagger stabbed his heart, filling it with terror.

'_He could be anywhere…or nowhere…or right beside me and I wouldn't know. He's haunting my mind…watching my every move. He knows…he can see the fear. I should be stronger than this…why am I so weak? Even Mustang…Roy…he thinks I'm useless. Why…?'_

Ed closed his eyes and bowed his head in between his chest and legs, sadness biting into the recesses of his understanding. The dancing shadows swirled closer in his mind's eye, coming to claim him for their own and steal him away to a Shadowland where nothing but sorrow is felt. He bit his lip and worried it, feeling it slowly split under the strain. The pain didn't register as his eyes took on a faraway look and fogged over.

'_I need to get out of here before it gets worse…this agitated, on edge feeling…it won't go away. It's rising…the tension…it won't leave…he can see it…he knows it's there…he's coming for me. I have got…to get…OUT!'_

Ed unfolded himself and jumped off the bed, IV drip and heart monitor be damned. The links pulled away from his chest and arm with a brutal rip as he ran into the bathroom, IV falling to the floor with a clatter. The shadows pooled in the bathroom after Ed as he wildly slammed the door closed, the same alarm screeching the abandonment of the patient from the monitors. He locked the door and turned on the light, darkness quickly receding back to the corners and cracks of the room. His heart thundered in his chest, adrenaline shooting through his veins.

'_I'm supposed to be a fucking genius…Now how the hell do I get out of here? I'm in the bathroom, not the hallway. I need to get dressed first. But where are my clothes? There has to be a closet somewhere in there. But what about Envy? He might be out there…in the shadows. I have to turn on the lights…make sure he's not out there. All I have to do is turn on the lights and find the-'_

Ed's rapid thoughts came to a halt as footsteps pounded down the hall outside his room, closing in on his room fast. The room door slammed open as Ed shoved away from the bathroom door and quickly flushed the unused toilet. A fist banged on the bathroom door, prompting Ed to turn on the water faucet. A few seconds passed before he turned the water off and unlocked the bathroom door, excuses flying to the front of his brain. Cocky smile in place, he opened the door to face a team of doctors and nurses with very pissed off expressions.

Ed raised his hands in the ultimate sign of surrender and laughed hesitantly, noticing that they had turned on the lights. "What? I had to pee. Did you expect me to get someone to help me do it? I seriously didn't believe anyone would show up so I just got up myself."

The doctor from before, who happened to be leading the team, sighed and shook his head, signaling for the rest of the staff to leave. "No, I don't expect that from you. I just want you out of this hospital."

The words didn't have a bite to them but they stung Ed's conscience anyways. He suppressed the urge to wince in pain and turned away to look for his clothes. "Yeah, well, I'm with you on that. If you give me my clothes, I will happily walk out of your facility."

The doctor shrugged, the movement going unnoticed by Ed, and walked over to a skinny door near the exit. "Your clothes are in here. I'm going to go write you off so that your colonel doesn't come and chew my head off about it. If you ask me, you could have gone home when you woke up but that guy is persistent."

Ed snorted instinctively and walked over to the makeshift closet. The doctor beat a hasty retreat from the room, leaving Ed alone again. He looked at his coat and gloves along with his pants and shirt before a wave of sadness washed over him. _'Roy must've brought them with him when he brought me here…But why would he be that worried? I mean, he took the time to grab my jacket. He must've…not cared.'_

Angered by the thought, Ed pulled out his clothes and threw them down on the bed, pulling off the ridiculous paper sheet for a cover-up. Tugging on his pants, he slid his shirt on and felt a pang ring through his head, tunnel-vision making his head spin in pain again. Taking a deep breath, his eyesight returned, making his legs weak. He sat down on the bed and pulled his boots on before standing back up.

Ed pulled on his signature red jacket and felt in his pockets for the gloves that peeked out of the pockets. Producing them, he pulled them on and took a last look around, the sterileness of the room creeping him out. Nothing, not even the high potency of the hospital's ammonia, could hide the stench of decaying blood. It permeated the sheets, the walls, and every crevice, never being completely gone. Ed shivered at the unwanted images and quickly left the room.

'_Never coming back here again…it's everywhere…and nowhere…and no clean air…I need to get outside. They're watching…everyone's watching…they can hear…listening…not good…they know…they can see it…they can feel it…He's here.'_

Silently walking along until that point, the paranoia caused Ed to stiffen before bolting down the hall. He ran to the elevator and pushed the down button. Glancing over his shoulder, Ed sighed with relief when the elevator arrived with no one in it. He hastily got in and was about to push the first floor button when a tightness around his heart constricted farther. Claustrophobia battled his mind until the enclosed space stared down at him, causing Ed to run out of the small space with the doors closing behind him.

Ed curled his hands into fists and saw a door with a picture of stairs on it only a few feet away. He ran over to the door and opened it, quickly running down the stairs. The door slammed closed above, echoing in the metal filled stairwell. A spike of fear running through Ed at the sound made him keep going, not looking up into the darkness and not looking down at the waiting shadows.

Ed finally stepped off onto the first floor and sucked in a lungful of air. He walked over to the exit door and left the stairwell, an unease tightening his stomach still. He found the front doors and rushed through them, happy to be rid of that place. He sighed and stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets, walking away at a slower pace.

'_I should be happy…well…I should feel better…why does it still hurt? This grip on my heart should have fled. What's wrong with me? It won't go away…the anxiety…the pressure on my mind. The pain…it hurts…it won't go away!'_

Ed stopped walking and rubbed his eyes, trying to think past the strain. A rumble in the distance made him jump and spin around, hands ready to clap together. Nothing was on the sidewalk with him. Another rumble alerted Ed as he looked up. The night sky was being covered by dark, heavy clouds slowly blocking the illumination of the stars and the moon. The tension in his mind built as he turned back around and continued walking.

'_There's going to be a storm…I'll be soaking by the time I get back home…I wonder if Al will be mad at me…or not there at all…Damn. It's not fair…it hurts too much. I don't want to go back there…if it's empty…it won't really be. He'll be there…lurking…stalking…waiting for the best time…shit. I can't go back there. I need to find someplace to stay for right now…if he's after me.'_

Ed turned into the desolate marketplace of Central, unaware of the darker shadow peeking out at him.

Ending Note: So…what do you all think? This is my idea totally to make Ed lose his sanity. Ed will slowly be slipping away from the regular world he used to know by the way of his crumbling mind. He will be seen talking to himself, freaking out, et cetera because that is the path I wish him to take. If you don't like it, then I am sorry. I want people to see Ed as I do if something like this were to happen to him. And on that note, the next chapter is going to be short and from there the chapter-length will fluctuate from chapter to chapter. Review to tell me what you like, hate, et cetera, but don't bash on my broken-Ed. I love him to death and wish happiness to him every time I write a chapter. Oh, and don't worry. Roy will save him. How he does it you can ponder on for yourselves. Happy Hunting. (Any questions and or flames, I will reply to the fastest I can and I will be nice talking to flamers. For once.)


	4. Chapter Four

A/N: Hi! Another chapter done. I bet you all are so happy about that. You know I never quite explained this fanfic to anyone. I meant to but I guess I never really did. Everyone gets depressed, no matter who you are. It's all a matter of if you let it rule over you or not. Edward never was the type to let anything stick to him and ruffle his feathers. I always wondered what would happen if he did. And this is the end result. A lot of people go through this every day and I'm not one to point a finger. I have these problems too, which I guess is the reason why I'm so good at writing out AWOL scenes that portray a character as "crumbling apart." That is my specialty and I hope that I can piece him back together, making that my next best thing.

I realize I never dedicated this thing. I will do so now. I dedicate this fanfic to Roo. She's my heart and star. I dedicate this to Manda. She's the reason I wake up in the morning and not jump in front of a car. I dedicate this to my reviews. Love you all so much. I dedicate this to all who suffer from depression and SI. I wish them happiness that I could never give. I dedicate this to everyone who deserves to live and love.

That means, I dedicate this to everyone.

Enjoy.

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Chapter 4- Spilled Lifeblood

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Ed walked blindly down the street, a drizzle hazing over his vision. He stepped into a growing puddle and heard the splash echo from far off. Everything seemed distorted and nothing looked real. Sighing, Ed looked down at his feet shuffling along and listened to the misty rain as it lightly bounced off the ground, thunder rumbling above. No one was outside and voices of the normal commotion of Central were deathly quiet.

'_Alone in the rain…how cliché…perfect time for a murder too…only to have me clean up afterwards.'_ Ed stopped walking and looked up into the dark sky, just out of the circle of light scattered by a light pole. _'I never wanted to do this…but I have to admit…it's the only thing I'm good at…and it's the only good thing that bastard of a father gave me. Why'd he have to leave? It almost feels like…he didn't love us enough to stay…not even Mother. He should've been there.' _

Anger flared to life inside of Ed as he balled his hand into a fist. He quickly looked down the street he was on and started walking again. _'All Mom wanted was for him to be there. I couldn't even do that for her. I couldn't do anything but condemn her soul to the hideous world. I wish I could undo it all…and sometimes…I don't want to be in the rewrite. Wouldn't it be better if I disappeared? I can fade away just like the wind…a mist never to be seen again to curl around your feet and send a chill through your body.'_

Ed turned out of the deserted marketplace and headed into town, walking in and out of the circles of light in the darkness. _'But…to disappear like that…it's selfish. Would Al…anyone…miss me? Even…Roy?'_ A faint, sad smile played across Ed's lips before turning into a frown. _'No…not someone like me he wouldn't. I'm just the small guy he picks on and makes fun of…I'm not worth it to him…Damnit.'_

A roil of emotions surged over Ed's features before a calm nonchalance prevailed. _'Well, if it's going to be like this, I might as well see what he has to say to my face before leaving at least. I'll finish my mission and send it back to him…alone…depending on what he says.'_

"But…" Ed muttered, stopping again to think. "Should I go right now? He'll be mad at me for leaving the hospital…and it'll influence what he says." He sighed before continuing to walk in a heavier rain. "I guess it's for the best. After all, he doesn't like me that much anyways."

A bitter smile plastered itself to Ed's face as he quickened his step to get to Roy's house. _'If I'm lucky, he just might turn me back out into the rain or…not even let me in at all. I don't know what will happen if he makes me stay as he yells at me…or he won't talk to me, ignoring I'm alive. I don't want that…not again, and not from him. I need to stop this, but…it would hurt too much to feel like that again. After so long, you would think I would be used to disappointment and the hurtful sting of rejection.'_

Ed rubbed his temples, a dull pounding forming. "I really need to stop thinking so much. It'll be my downfall one of these days. But, I don't know how to turn my damn head off."

Sighing in frustration, Ed tried to keep his thought process on silence and focused on reaching Roy's door without a cold. By the time he reached the foreboding doorway he didn't want to knock. A light was on in the only visible window from the front of the building. Biting his lip, Ed anxiously looked around in the gloomy dark before taking a step forward. The light in the window suddenly turned off, making Ed jump and search his surroundings. Nothing appeared around him so he relaxed his muscles slightly. The door to Roy's house opened and startled Ed. He quickly took a few steps back the way he had come and watched from the shadows as Roy emerged, locking the door behind him.

Roy slowly walked down the few steps to the sidewalk and waited under a light pole, a calm air surrounding his being. Ed took a step toward his colonel, but refrained from calling out to him. As soon as he was standing right outside the circle of light surrounding Roy, a sleek car pulled up and the back door opened. A voluptuous blonde with the air of prosperous influence came into view, giggling as she attached herself to the colonel.

"Oh honey! I've missed you! Why are you waiting out in the rain? You'll get your nice coat all soaked through. Let's go already. I don't want to ruin my dress," she complained, tugging Roy toward the car.

"Roy…"Ed whispered, taking a step back. Roy immediately turned his head and surveyed the darkness; eyes alighting on Ed. Eyes wide as he realized he spoke out loud, Ed clamped a hand over his mouth, stifling a whimper.

"What's wrong, baby? Aren't I enough to look at?" The blonde posed seductively before stomping her foot, pouting.

"Huh? No, that's not it. I could've sworn I heard my name…" Roy turned back to the blonde and helped her slide back into the car.

"Honey, are you okay? My psychiatrist says that if you're hearing things that you need to sleep more. Or you're just crazy, but-"

Roy slid in after her and shut the door, the conversation lost to Ed's ears. He snorted lightly at the blonde's phrase, trying to hide his emotions for the meantime. _'That's like the pot calling the kettle black.'_

-----

Envy moved in the darker shadows, silently laughing at poor Edward's predicaments. _'He could've called out to the dark haired one but he stayed quiet. Have I already gotten under your skin, Edward-kun?'_

Edward seemed to feel the piercing eyes on his back as he quickly swung around and looked into the shadows. Envy took a quiet step back into a darker recess. Edward shivered as a chill passed over him, hunching his shoulders. He put his gloved hands in his pocket and turned away from the colonel's house. He slowly walked in the direction of his and his brother's house. Envy's face split into a grin as crept behind him, his gaze following Ed's every move.

'_I hope you like me there, because I'm not leaving you any time soon. Be careful where you lead me, Ed-kun, or I just might have to strike.'_

-----

Edward slammed the front door of his house behind him as lightning lit up the sky behind him, rain falling in hard sheets. A brilliant flash of light from the lightning outside lit up the small living room before darkness returned. No lights were on and the shadows stretched out in odd angles, making you see one thing before you blink and it's gone.

Ed slid down the door and rested his head back against it. He sighed and looked up at the doorknob. _'I guess someone fixed the lock. They didn't bother to use it though. I don't even know why I did it… I just wanted… I don't know what I want. It hurts to think about the pain but…it won't go away.'_ As if to answer Ed's thoughts, his heart sent out a dull throb, making him wince.

'_Why doesn't anyone care that I'm here…alone…in the dark…scared…? Why did Roy have to run off with that floozy when I was right there? I couldn't even call out to him… It hurts so much to know he walked away…and didn't even look back. He left me alone… I don't want to be alone anymore.'_

Ed closed his eyes and saw his dream through his mind's eye. The Dark Ed raised his hand and held it out to him. _"Come…I'm right here. I won't let you be alone anymore…"_ He seemed to say, calling out to Ed in his mind.

Ed carefully stood up and hollowly walked down to his room, a tear escaping his mask of indifference. _'Don't leave me alone… I don't want to be alone… Stay with me…please…'_

He closed the bedroom door and looked at the small mirror that hung above his dresser. His eyes instantly changed to anger at the expression of weakness on his face. He grabbed the mirror and flung at the opposite wall, glass splintering. Shards flew in the air, catching the small amount of light there was, and twinkled forebodingly. The pieces landed on the bed and the floor, a hushed tinkle reaching Ed's ears.

'_I can't be weak…not in front of anyone. They would just laugh at me. They don't even know…they don't even care! I hate this!'_

An imaginary soft caress passed by Ed's ear as a translucent Dark Ed stood behind him, a calm smile on his face. _"I can make you strong, Edward. You just have to let me in. I want to help you. I want you to be safe in yourself with me."_

Ed closed his eyes and exhaled, a serene feeling fleetingly suppressing all the hurt and rage. _'But…'_

"_No buts, Edward. This is where you need to be. You remember it, don't you? Everything went away. Nothing could touch you. Don't you want that again? I'll be right there with you."_ Dark Ed walked around Edward's still frame until he stood in front of Ed. He held Ed's face with his hands and gave him a soft smile. _"I'll never let you be alone."_

A trickle of tears fell from Ed's eyes as he closed them, a shuddering breath being let out. He slowly sat down on the floor with his back up against the wall, his head bowed. Dark Ed sat down beside him, leaning against Ed so that the invisible weight would be felt. Ed unconsciously leaned over toward Dark Ed and blinked away the still falling tears.

"He doesn't care, does he?"

Dark Ed's smile turned sad as looked at Ed. _"You know the answer yourself. It doesn't need to be spoken."_

"Envy…he's coming back…isn't he?" Dark Ed remained silent but watched Ed closer.

Ed lifted his gaze and looked at the ghostly face beside him. "No one cares, do they?"

Dark Ed shook his head silently before disappearing. Ed bit his lip and rubbed his gloved hands over his face, wanting to rub away everything. Anxiety picked up in Ed's system, making him fidget. His boot clinked against something, making a small pinging noise. Ed uncovered his eyes and looked down at his boot. A lone piece of glass rested against his boot, jagged edge catching the dim light in the room. It shined up at Ed and called to him to pick it up.

Without thinking, Ed picked up the small piece of glass and pressed his index finger onto the sharp edge. A tedious spike of pain registered in Ed's mind as he kept pressing his finger down on the edge. The glass cut through the microscopic tendrils of cloth fabric and pressed into the soft flesh pad of Ed's finger. It pressed past the first layer of skin and cut through to a small group of capillaries working blood back to the heart. The damaged capillaries spilled out thousands of red blood cells to form droplets of blood that quickly soaked the center of the finger of the white glove. A trail of blood made its way from the tip of the glass down to Ed's thumb, rapidly gaining speed. Ed watched intrigued as the blood droplet touch the white fabric covering his thumb and quickly dyed red as the blood soaked the cloth. He quickly dropped the glass into his mechanical hand, entranced by the pinprick on his flesh finger.

'_This blood is what makes me real…human. This blood is what killed so many and turned others away. Even my brother doesn't share this blood anymore. I am alone in this world with this blood to keep me living. I hate it. Envy wants this blood. I don't want it to be there. Go away…I should go away…I'll disappear with every drop spilled…I can be someone new…someone that people will like…'_

Ed's mechanical hand gripped the shard of glass as he raised it to his gloved hand. Using his ring and pinkie fingers, he maneuvered his glove to rest on the arch of his hand. He pushed his sleeve down somewhat and looked at the pale skin that seemed to glow in the low lighting. Ed's eyebrow twitched as he lowered the shard to his skin, nervousness making his automail twitch.

'_I can't do it…I have to…no, I can't…yes…weak will die…strong will be my new being…I can help people and actually be of some good. I won't be alone…but…I'm scared.'_

Ed pressed the glass lightly against his skin and squeezed his eyes closed. Panic seizing his heart, Ed's hand shook and quickly sliced into his skin at the wrist in a diminutive downward motion. The air rushed from his lungs as the red, sticky substance welled out of the cut and poured over his arm. Time felt sluggish and his pulse slowed, stopping everything around him. The serenity washed over his battered mind and stopped the pain in his heart. He closed his eyes and fell into a light doze, a peaceful sleep awaiting him.

-----

The shadows outside parted to let Envy through to watch Edward from his bedroom window. He watched Edward's erratic behavior until Ed fell asleep on the floor. He raised an eyebrow and grinned wickedly. Clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth, Envy turned away from the window and rested his back against the wall next to it.

"Tut, tut, dear Ed-kun. I must've gotten to you deep for you to do that." Envy ran a hand through his long hair and sighed. "You must be missing me, Ed-kun. I'll have to pay you a visit…_real_ soon."

Envy shoved away from the wall and walked out into the shadows, the darkness consuming him from sight.

-----

Al grimaced as he watched Mustang climb into the car from the living room window. Mustang had asked Al to stay with him after the break-in, just in case something else happened. Al had weakly accepted the offer, not wishing to stay alone in the house. But now that he thought about it, he didn't want to be alone in Mustang's home either.

He sighed as he slightly turned from the window. _'Brother, I wish I could be with you…I want to know what happened.'_ Out of the corner of his eye, a spark of red was illuminated by the light pole outside before disappearing into the night. Al quickly turned and looked out the window, trying to see through the darkness and rain outside. _'It couldn't be…could it?'_

Al rushed to the front door and threw the deadbolt, stepping out into the dreary night air. Nothing stood out to him and no color could be seen. _'Damn…I could have sworn…'_ Al invisibly worried his lip as he took another step outside before realizing how ridiculous it sounded. _'Ed should be in the hospital still. He wouldn't be out here. But…'_

Al shook his head as he looked at Mustang's open, front door. _'I can't stay here. I need to go home and wait for him…like I always do.'_ Al slowly approached the open door and pulled it closed. _'I hope Mustang will forgive me but I just can't wait around anymore.'_ Al determinedly walked down the few steps to the sidewalk and strode out into the misty rain, hoping he wouldn't rust.

-----

Ed silently jerked awake, a pain stabbing into his head before receding. He moaned and rubbed his face with his mechanical hand, sighing in relief at the cool touch of metal on his burning skin. Bleary-eyed, he looked around his room, familiarity sinking in. Memories flooded back to his mind as he looked about the room and gazed at his flesh arm. His lips pulled into a frown as he stared at the rough cut on his wrist, but for some reason he didn't seem to care. The cut had coagulated and the blood flow had already stopped.

'_Well, that was unexpected. I wasn't supposed to fall asleep like that…but I have been tired. Whatever…I need to clean this up before anyone shows up…just in case.'_ Ed gradually cracked his sore neck and leaned forward to stand up. The weariness of his body made him groan in frustration before letting it go. _'I'll just take a shower and go to bed. Yeah…that sounds nice.'_

Ed stripped off his gloves and jacket, tossing them onto a chair in the corner of the room. He pulled his rain and sweat-soaked shirt off and scowled as his back muscles grew taunt and unforgiving. He dropped the shirt on the floor and sat on the bed, meticulously untying his boots. Kicking them away from the bed, he stood back up and opened his bedroom door, undoing the greasy braid that hung limply on his neck. He opened the hall cupboard and took out a big, fluffy towel.

In the bathroom, Ed kicked the door shut and tried not to let a shiver take over him. He ignored the callings and the whispers, setting his towel down on the sink. Instead, he undressed the rest of the way. He tossed the dirty clothes in the hamper and walked to the shower, turning the hot and cold knobs together. He refused to look into the mirror as he passed by it, not looking at his reflection. In the mirror, Dark Ed leaned against the wall and watched as Ed climbed into the tub and let the stream of water hit his tired body before vanishing.

'_Roy wouldn't care about me like that. I've been staring after him lately…but…I'm nothing in his eyes. Why do I do this to myself? It hurts to feel those piercing eyes looking at me like I'm a freak…some short…short, yeah…freak.'_ A steady stream washed over Ed's hair, soaking it through. He closed his eyes and fought against a wave of nausea. _'I didn't do this to myself. No. It's his fault…it's theirs. I never wanted this. They brought it on themselves…damnit.'_

He punched the tiled wall of the shower with his flesh arm, feeling the throb jolt up his arm and jar his senses. _'It's me. This is me. No one else…only me.'_ Ed grabbed a hanging washcloth and held it in the lukewarm water. He picked up a bottle of liquid soap and poured a generous portion onto the limp washcloth in his hand. He set the bottle back down and lathered his body, turning his back to the spray.

'_Why did I even go there? He didn't even see me. I was waiting…why was I waiting? He would never see I'm right here.'_ Ed bit his lip and turned his front to the spray to wash away the soap covering his body, wincing when soap ran over the new cut. He stared at the cut as the water softly pounded on his chest, a faraway glaze hovering over his vision. _'What was the point of doing that? I don't feel different…do I? It's…nothing. It's just a phase, I guess. Not like I'm going to do it again…'_

Ed shrugged off the uneasiness and let the stream of water wash away his uncertainties and qualms.

-----

The front door rattled open as Alphonse stepped through the threshold. Down the hall, the slow drone of the showerhead could be heard. _'What's that? No one should be here. Mustang said Ed wouldn't be home of another hour or so.' _Al stared down the dark hallway before quietly shutting the front door, forgetting to use the new lock Mustang had immediately installed after the attack. _'What if it's the attacker come back for some reason? Should I call Mustang? No. I have to deal with this on my own. I want to save my brother too.' _Al tried to muffle his heavy steps by taking steps on the balls of his feet, slowly making his way toward the bathroom.

About a door's width away from the bathroom, the shower stopped. Al froze to the spot and waited, heart beating too fast. _'What am I going to do? I can't do Alchemy like Brother can…but I can't die like he can.'_ Determined, Al crouched down on his knees and watched the door ease open.

-----

Ed gently towel-dried his hair before draping the towel over his shoulders. He sighed and grabbed his pants out of the hamper, pulling them on. _'Gross. I knew I forgot something. I hate going commando…but at least I feel better.'_ A tug at his heart had him looking over his shoulder to see Dark Ed in the mirror. He was beckoning Ed back toward the mirror. _'Feh. Yeah, right. Not going to do that, thanks.'_

Ignoring the urgent tug on his soul, Ed gripped the bathroom door and pulled it open.

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Ending Note: Wow. Another chapter finished and so many people reading this. It makes me so happy but you know what makes me happier? Reviews. I love seeing the reviews you all send to me. It makes my heart so happy and light. I request at least four reviews (excluding you, Roo. She reviews to every chapter I post, so that means four from everyone else) before I post up my next chapter. They inspire me to actually write and hurry up because it reminds me that people actually like this thing. So in total, I hope to see five reviews.

Oh and I fixed a problem that I didn't catch until I actually looked. I had breaks in between the POV changes but the stupid computer had deleted them. I apologize for not catching it sooner and will be extra careful about uploading my chapters. It makes me feel retarded to not have noticed earlier.

Lastly, I will have two OC people in my story. They won't be that unfamiliar to you anyways. One is the doctor, who I'll name later, and the other is Dark Ed, or De. Dark Ed is my original character and just in case I inspired anyone about him, please ask before you take him. I love him and made him myself. I will gladly share with anyone that asks me for him.


	5. Chapter Five

A/N: Sorry for the disturbingly long wait. Every time I got somewhere with it, it was deleted and or not accepted by the stupid browse button to upload on here. sigh As usual, I own nothing but my Dark Ed, and even that could be argued. So after the wait, enjoy.

BTW- If it wasn't for you reviewers that kept reminding me to kill my computer for the new chapter, I would never have been able to upload this. It's all to you. Thank you so much!

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Chapter 5- Don't  
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Roy Mustang relaxed into the fine leather seat of the car once his house was out of sight. He reached into his pockets and pulled out his alchemist gloves. Sighing heavily, he pulled them on and flexed his fingers.

'_Okay…I feel better now…slightly.'_

"I know you hate leaving your gloves off, Sir, so why did you do it?"

The question broke through Roy's hazed mind and he looked up to see his "date." The sweet tone of the luxuriant blonde turned into a hard, clipped voice of his first lieutenant as she viciously pulled the long wig from her head. Roy glared weakly at Hawkeye before giving it up. His mind was too preoccupied with other matters.

"I needed it to look real. Al's too perceptive, like and unlike his brother. If I had left my gloves on, he would've noticed that something wasn't right. He would follow us, suspecting something…something I don't want him to…at least, not yet."

Hawkeye keenly looked over Mustang's frazzled features before quietly murmuring, "Forgive my intrusions, Sir, but what exactly is bothering you?"

Roy smirked to himself and looked out the window at the bleak city surroundings. "And since when is it in you to pity someone, Lieutenant?"

From the reflection in the window, he saw Hawkeye glare at his turned-away face and straighten her back. "Sir, excuse me if you got the wrong impression, and also excuse me for saying so, but if you think this is pity, you are seriously malnourished in that department."

When no rebuttal came forth from the Colonel, Hawkeye also looked out her window and continued her train of thought. "I'm merely curious to know why you're taking such drastic measures to ensure that Alphonse does not know what you are doing. That and what's making both you and Ed so out of alignment. But…that is just what I would like to know, of course."

Roy's eyes smoldered at the image of Edward's motionless body and his peculiar behavior for the last few days. He hesitated to tell the lieutenant, but knew that he had to tell someone. Why not tell someone that he trusted at least? He closed his eyes and gently rubbed them, turning back to Hawkeye.

"If…if I can put you in my utmost confidence, which I can and have, I…might as well tell you."

Concerned as well as intrigued by the Colonel's attitude, Hawkeye turned back to Mustang and steeled herself for the invisible blow that wouldn't touch her. She wouldn't allow it to. Her composure was her life and she didn't feel like giving it up quite yet, especially to something that her Colonel trusts her with. Breathing slowly, she waited for the impact.

Nervously cracking his knuckles, Roy watched his hands' movements. After a pregnant pause, he glanced at Hawkeye and saw her processing every possible answer for his behavior. He sighed again and swiped a hand through his hair, looking back to his first lieutenant.

'_She'll never be able to guess…'_

"Alright…for the sake of my own sanity, I hope I'm not right. But…I have reason to believe that there's something seriously wrong with Edward."

Hawkeye slowly blinked before comprehending. She raised an eyebrow accusingly. _'No…Ed's not like that. Nothing can be wrong with him…Maybe…maybe it's the Colonel.'_

"What gives you reason to believe that, Sir?"

Roy's gaze sharpened to a knife point. "Lieutenant, don't you dare believe for one goddamn second that I made this up. If, for any reason, that I am wrong, I will take the responsibility then and only then. And until I am proven wrong, you will _not_ give me reason to believe that I cannot trust you. Are we clear?"

Hawkeye blinked slowly as her brain rushed to come up with a reply before it dawned on her.

"_I don't want to see that bastard!…What I meant was I don't want to see him right now."_

'_No…it was so obvious. That day…he was so adamant about leaving. Something's off, but…what? Ed…Mustang must be the reason then…but…'_

She never thought of any such a problem arising in Edward. He seemed so normal…to an extent. She sighed and looked back to the Colonel. Roy gazed back, weariness softening his hardened eyes. Hawkeye instantly felt a chill run down her spine.

Mustang opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't quite figure out what he wanted to say first or how to phrase it. The concept was simple enough but it was dangerous territory and he had to be careful how he said it to anyone. He shut his mouth and looked around the limo, unease settling into his mind.

"Sir?" Hawkeye called softly, a trickle of panic seeping into her thoughts.

Mustang took a deep breath and looked back at his first lieutenant. "FullMetal…" He stopped, not liking the sound of Ed's "official" name. He tried again. "Ed…"

'_No,'_ he shook his head. That didn't feel right either. He needed…no…wanted…to use his name…his _real_ name. Ed deserved at least that much from him by now.

"Edward…" Roy paused, letting the name roll off his tongue. It just sounded…_right_. A small smile came to his face before his dreary thoughts took hold and made him frown.

"Edward…he…damn." Roy shakily ran his hand through his hair. "I don't want to accuse him of anything, but…I have my suspicions."

Hawkeye blinked, slowing her thought process to hang onto every word that was said for later use. When nothing else was said, she internally huffed. She cleared her throat and looked away from Mustang.

"Meaning no offense, Sir, but get to the damn point."

Her irritation brought Roy's thoughts under control. When Hawkeye got antsy, it gave everyone a reason to worry. He cleared his own throat and focused on Hawkeye, not really seeing her. In his mind's eye, Edward was gazing back at him, waiting for him to speak. It helped to ease off some of his tension.

"Alright…just, please, don't tell anything I'm going to tell you to anyone, especially Ed. He's in an unstable condition. I get the feeling that he…"

--

Immediately after opening the bathroom door, Edward was overshadowed by a hulking suit of armor that was quickly coming closer. Eyes wide in terror, Ed let out an inaudible yell and tried to hide back inside the bathroom. Alphonse blinked at the chibi-looking person that had made a sound quite resembling a squeak and nearly ran into the rapidly closing door. Al pushed it back open like it was nothing and let out a jovial laugh as Ed clinged to the doorknob in utter confusion.

"Brother!" Al scooped up the dazed FullMetal in his plated arms and squeezed. "When did you get home?! I've been worried!"

Ed let out a few rasping sounds and pounded on Al's shoulder, begging to breathe. "…Can't…air…want…"

Al loosened his grip and saw the red face of his brother, swiftly panicking. "Ah! Brother, I'm sorry! I was…I was just excited to see you." He placed Ed on the floor, making sure to support him in his light-headed state, and grinned.

"Be excited…for…air," Ed wheezed, trying to shrug off Al's helping hand.

Al reluctantly took back his hand and pouted. "You're not being fair, Brother."

Ed snorted and edged around Al's frame. "Oh…I'm being plenty fair…to my lungs."

Al rolled his eyes and sighed, leisurely following behind his brother down the hall. Ed went to turn into his room when he stopped, hand poised above the handle. Looking back at Al, Ed looked him up and down before slipping into a train of thought. Al waited patiently, still unsure of the peculiarities he sensed in his brother but not wishing to bring them to light at the present time. Ed finally glided out of his reverie and smiled up at his brother. Al, slightly nervous, smiled back and scratched the back of his helmet.

"You know, Al…the hospital food…well…it wasn't quite food. And since I haven't eaten anything…"

Al caught on to his sly suggestions and shook his head. "You want me to make you something?"

"Bingo!" Ed called out brightly. "I mean…you don't have to make anything fancy. Whatever you want to do is fine by me."

Al raised a skeptical brow and folded his arms. Ed visibly flinched at his countenance but the look rapidly fled from Ed's face. "Anything in particular or I can make what I feel like?"

Cheekily, Ed replied, "Anything!" And just as fast, his eyes got wide as he caught the drift of Al's question. "As long as there's no milk. And no spinach. I hate rabbit food. You got that?"

Al relaxed and nodded his head. "Alright. It'll probably be ready in twenty minutes." He moved past Ed with a purpose and disappeared into the kitchen.

Ed's shoulders drooped right as Al disappeared down the hall. He rubbed at his temple with his mechanical hand, welcoming the cold touch as a soothing gesture, and silently entered his room. Glass from the mirror still littered the floor and caught whatever light filtered through the window, refracting it along the walls. Sighing in defeat, he slumped onto his knees and started grouping the shards into piles that were shoved off to the side. Halfway through, the chore became exhausting and Ed sagged against the wall with his knees bent and legs far enough apart, wanting a brief reprieve.

Almost to the point of dozing, Ed's head lolled to the side and caught sight of a piece of glass that seemed to be sucking in the light unlike the other pieces around it. He squinted at the shard and almost made out the shape of a heart. Curiosity won over the battle with sleep deprivation and Ed seized his chance. Reaching out, he struggled to pull it closer to himself and finally got it to the point where he could pick it up. Puzzling over how it broke in such a fashion, Ed turned it over and over, gazing at the uniqueness of the glass piece. It truly was shaped like a heart, no matter how deformed it might be with one top higher than the other and the point at the end curving slightly to the right.

Ed looked at himself in the mirror and hardly baulked at seeing his "reflection" looking back at him with a slightly pissed expression. Ed grimaced and leaned his head back against the wall, lowering his hand with the heart to hang limply between his legs. Closing his eyes, he watched in his mind's eye as Dark Ed walked out from behind him and sat on his bed, hunched forward and leaning his elbows on his knees. Opening his eyes, there sat Dark Ed, glancing over Ed's current state and taking in the room.

Ed rolled his eyes and sneered, "What?"

Dark Ed focused back on him and gave a sardonic smile. _"So you're talking to me out loud now? Don't I feel special."_

Irritated at the fact that he had spoke out loud, Ed swiped his hand through his hair and ground his teeth together. "So what if I do? It's not anything off your back, now is it?"

Dark Ed seemed to contemplate the question before shrugging. _"Either or, I'm here because you wanted me here, Ed."_

Ed raised an eyebrow in consternation. "Really? Well, golly gee…"

"_Can the cynicism, sweetheart. We, or more precisely, you have a problem."_ Dark Ed's eyes hardened over with seriousness.

Ed snorted and hunched his elbows on his knees as well. "And what would that be? Is little Timmy stuck in the well?" He asked in squeaky voice.

Dark Ed stood up from the bed and walked up to Ed, leaning over to place his hands on top of Ed's arms. Ed almost pulled away in shock at feeling a soft warmth radiate through Dark Ed's hands. Dark Ed smiled softly and said lowly, _"Your brother's almost done and you're not even done with all this."_ He gestured at the glass still covering half of Ed's floor. _"Not to mention that you need to do something about _that_."_ Dark Ed gently turned Ed's flesh arm over, making the cut on his arm obvious.

Ed let out the breath he had been holding and drooped even more against the wall. "Shit…I totally-"

"_Forgot. I know. I was trying to tell you earlier but…you wanted to do things your way. That's fine and all, but sometimes you need some help."_ Dark Ed slowly pulled away his hands and stood upright. Ed stared up at him in wonderment and Dark Ed looked down on him in kindness. _"I'm always here. That'll help."_ He nodded at the heart in Ed's hand._ "You just have to look for me to find me. But I never have to look for you…"_ Dark Ed gradually vanished and Ed was left alone to face the world outside his bedroom.

--

"Wait…so you believe someone is watching Edward?" Hawkeye sat back against the seat, stunned.

Mustang calmly nodded his head and grimaced. "Yes, I believe so, hence why I'm using stricter tactics to protect him. But the underlying motives are still unclear…"

"So this person…how long do you believe that this has been going on, considering the out of hand situation we are now facing?"

"Honestly, that could be anyone's guess. But…taking the sudden attack into account…I would have to say that Ed has been watched for a good amount of time. It's not often that Edward is completely alone like he was. It's probably the case that the stalker has found a few opportune moments but wanted to be completely sure."

"Then what action do you wish for us to reciprocate, Colonel?" Hawkeye became professional in a heartbeat, her eyes cold as ice watching the slight fidgets of Mustang across from her.

"For now…I just want the security around Edward to double. I don't want him to be alone like he was if we can help it. But I don't want him to suspect it. We don't need a temper tantrum on our hands as well. Just as the stalker watches Ed, we will watch and wait for him to slip up."

Roy's anger swelled and he tightly closed his hand into a fist. Hawkeye watched the action with a raised eyebrow and didn't comment. She nodded curtly and leaned forward in her seat. Mustang reined his rage and focused back on the task that he had to complete.

"Yes, sir. It will be arranged as you see fit with your recommendations on the surveillance team." Hawkeye's countenance softened as she caught a glimpse of the agitation that Mustang was trying to hide. "You really care for him, don't you, sir?"

Roy immediately looked at Hawkeye with a glare, about to deny the feelings she was charging him with. When no words came out, Roy gave a small pout and turned to look out the window. "Whatever…" he muttered to himself, barely loud enough for Hawkeye to hear.

Hawkeye let out a giggle and shook her head. "Pardon me, but don't you think you should tell him, sir? Everyone else has pretty much known except for our little firecracker. It might help, don't you think?"

Roy snorted as he rolled his eyes, glancing at Hawkeye out of the corner of his eye. "And how would that help the so-called "firecracker" that just might blow up in my face?"

"Well, for one, it would give you the excuse to stay near him more and not have to give false reasons for your closeness. Not to mention, you would guarantee that he would not be alone, per your request."

Mustang raised a skeptical brow and waved his hand. "Drop the matter for now, but I won't put it out of mind."

Hawkeye smiled in triumph and looked out the window. "Of course you won't, Colonel."

The limo slowed to stop outside of the eerie hospital built more than one-hundred years previous. Mustang moved first and opened the door, sweeping out onto the road with the air of a haughty noble. He reached back into the car and Hawkeye delicately placed her hand on top of his. She stepped out of the car with grace and looked up the dimly lit windows of the building with distaste, taking a step forward. The limo pulled gradually pulled away to turn around and park on the opposite side of the street.

"He'll probably wonder about the clothes," Hawkeye muttered, fondly remembering her pants that were left at home.

"Let him wonder," Mustang settled, walking up to stand beside his Lieutenant. "Our attire has nothing to do with the reason for our visit."

Hawkeye inaudibly sighed and started toward the hospital, Mustang not far behind. "Well, whatever the case, I hope he's awake…"

--

Frustrated, Edward pushed off of the wall and hurriedly grabbed at random pieces of glass, paying no attention to the stings and wells of pain radiating from the cuts forming on his hand. He swept the shards under his bed to be collected later and almost forgot the piles, rapidly adding them to the glass-field growing in the shadows of his bed frame. Looking at his hand, the full-blown effect of pain hit him as the random cuts and slices lazily flowed over with his life. Picking out a piece of glass embedded near his knuckle, he flicked it under the bed as well and heard the tinkle of it hitting other slivers.

"It's almost ready!" Al called out to him from the kitchen.

Nearly jumping out of his skin, Ed remembered sending his brother away to fix him something to eat and almost gagged. _'Food just does not sound appetizing…and I don't even know what he made.'_ A shiver ran up Ed's back and he felt his stomach roil. Frowning at the thought of food, he carefully stood up and walked to his door.

"Yeah…okay. I'm just going to wash my hands." He emerged from his room and had the smell of ground beef waft towards him. He cringed at the smell and backpedaled to the bathroom, pushing the door open with his mechanical hand.

"Well, you should be hungry. I've been cooking for a good half hour."

The sound of Al busying himself around the kitchen and placing the settings was drowned out by the shut door of the bathroom. Ed turned on the faucet and absentmindedly glanced in the mirror. His own reflection stared back. Confused, Ed waved his hand in front of the mirror and watched as his reflection copied him. Definitely lost, Ed looked away from the mirror and started rinsing off his hand with the lukewarm water, splashing some on his arm as well.

After a minute, Ed was satisfied that his hand wouldn't inflame with an infection and turned the water off. About to turn to grab the towel and pat his hand dry, the mirror caught his eye again and still only himself looked back. Disappointed with the mirror, he inwardly complained, _'He says he's my other half…but I don't even know what to call him…'_

"_You can call me D,"_ Dark Ed whispered suddenly into Ed's ear, staring at their reflections in the mirror.

Ed involuntarily shuddered at the feel of warm breath cascading over his neck and backed away from his other half. "How do you do that?"

D gave Ed a coy smile and reached out for him, running his hand down his arm. _"Do what?"_

Ed scowled and pulled his arm away from the invading touch. "You're warm. That's not possible," he muttered mostly to himself as he wiped off his still wet hands.

"_Anything's possible for me when I'm with you."_ D took advantage of Ed's half-turned frame to wrap his arms around his slight waist and hold him close, nuzzling his face into the back of Ed's neck.

Ed hissed at the feel of the warm body pressing against his cold back and arched his back away for less contact. "D…" he groaned out, trying to pry himself out of the deceiving grasp of his darker image.

"Brother! Food's ready!" Alphonse' voice carried clearly throughout the house and entered the bathroom, warning Ed of his predicament.

Ed bit his bottom lip and slipped out of D's arms, hurrying over to the medicine cabinet. He pulled the mirror open and grabbed the box of band-aids on the first shelf. Quickly, he pulled three out and tore them from their coverings. D watched in exasperation as Ed's nerves started deteriorating with the amount of time he was spending in the effort of trying to position them right.

"_Let me,"_ D said, trying to hide his amusement at Ed's dilemma. He softly pushed Ed around to face him and took the band-aids out of his hands. Ed hung his head and sighed, closing his eyes in frustration. D removed the wax backing of the first band-aid and gripped Ed's hand, bringing it into the light. He expertly placed it over the pad of Ed's thumb and pressed down on the bandage lightly, applying only as much pressure as need be.

"_It's no big deal, Ed. Calm down. You're okay,"_ D breathed out gently, applying the second band-aid. _"You have plenty of time so don't worry about it. I'll help as much as I can. Alright?"_ D situated the last bandage and sighed in defeat as he threw away the backings. He looked back at Ed and saw his gaze still trapped to the floor.

"Ed? You coming?" Al called out to his absent brother.

That seemed to snap Ed out of his trance and he turned to the door about to leave. Something seemed to tug at his being, stopping him in his tracks. He looked down at his now bandaged hand and flexed it open and closed.

D crossed his arms and leaned back against the sink, watching Ed's every movement. _"What? No thank you?"_

Ed raised his head slowly to look at his twin. "Thank you," he replied, no emotion evident in his voice, before he left the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

D scratched the back of his head and sighed as he faded into twilight. _"Don't shut yourself away just yet, Ed. You have a long way to go."_

His words, spoken for his own sake, reached Ed anyhow and nestled itself away in his locked-up mind.

--

A/N: So, what did you think? This is just a little filler chapter before the meat of the story. It was just meant to delve into the plot to thicken the relationships between all the characters. Slightly. I wanted to focus mainly on bringing more of D into light...or dark. Whichever you prefer. I live for you reviewers and next chapter will NOT take nearly as long. And it won't be as boring. Sorry about that.


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